Date: Undetermined
It's been a while since I've been able to express myself to this Autobiographical madness. We last spoke of my teens and my decent into hell. Like most eccentrics I have been pondering the meaning of this in contrast to the stories I am to tell you. I could say it is a form of foreshadowing what is to come or that like Dante this is my tale of the passage through what has been my inferno and that I have learned so much that I wish to share the wisdom but truly that would be a mockery of the tale in general. To continue the tale forward let us look upon my collegiate years.
I was 20 and having fell to my own passions of lust and desire decided to take a school of trade. The woman or whore of which I so lusted had left me to my own devices as she married a fool. I was now a man of pain and distortion. As I tried to fit into a society that found me distasteful. I found myself hanging out in diners and consorting with local riff raff and finding myself to be a man who stood for a principle that was quite fake. I stood for a woman's honor. At this time in my life I found myself surrounded by women whom were in that playful stage. Willing to give up their bodies but not willing to commit to being with just one man. You could call them whores but there was nothing in trade for their lust just lust.
There was one whom sought me out a smiling fool but yet someone whom seemed to understand my plights in life. I did what I could to remain elusive but found myself willing to pleasure her and leave myself wanting. She was not like the rest as she would spend her free time willingly chasing me into the shadows and corners of my home. Always hoping to find out if I'd be willing to go further. I'd say this was a bad thing, but I did so enjoy the chase that and the taste of her sex. As our lives had intertwined over the years I found myself willing to trust others as there was the chance that my soul would gain some redemption. My journal of madness filled quite quickly and she was one whom was allowed to read the pages looking for some sense of humanity left in this twisted shell.
The years had passed so quickly at that time and I found myself desiring more and more of the flesh and yet not seeking the personal pleasure that I originally stood for. As I said I had taken the role of a fool and stood for a woman's honor or to put it better I sought to stand for a woman's pleasure. I truly did not realize the detrimental cost upon my own mortality and madness that this had taken from me. Thus I found myself seeking women whom wished pleasure but leaving myself wanting a fool succumbing to their desires. This has played a large part of my psyche as I still find myself lusting but looking to please a woman before allowing myself pleasure.
- Gui Sanmanos
No comments:
Post a Comment